men

The 4 Types of Men You'll Meet in Dating

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Whether in fiction or IRL, check out the pursuit styles of these 4 categories of man.

You might have dated one of these guys before. Heck, you might have even married one of these! (I’m currently engaged to a Sniper*).

While we might argue that there are similarities between some of the types, think of this more as a leisurely guide in understanding how men think and their risk profile when faced with likely rejection.

It’s not the gospel, so don’t be precious if the guy you’re dating fits into a category you don’t like.

How a man thinks of himself directly affects his confidence with women, and the degree he will take a huge risk. There are also good and evil sides of all types of man! See below. Enjoy.

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  1. The Bachelor

FAMOUS EXAMPLES:

  • Harvey Specter (Suits, pictured).

  • The acoustic guitar toting Worship Leader at church

  • The guy who seems to rise the ranks in any community’s popularity metrics - like the School Captain in high school, or the eye candy management at work.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:

Handsome, charming and naturally charismatic, The Bachelor is the guy eeeeeevery girl has either had a public or private crush on, however brief or extended.

He’s the guy in your community who seems to always be surrounded by women, and certainly has the luxury of taking his sweet ol’ time.

He is after all, devastatingly attractive and successful in his career, as well as with women. As long as he doesn’t royally screw things up with you emotionally (which he’s vulnerable to, unfortunately), his beautiful face and sculpted build tends to win over our heart if we’re not careful!

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“I don’t go chasing the babes, the babes come chasing me.”

“I’m waiting on God for my wife. She’ll come when I least expect it.” (Because his mega-attractiveness compensates for his lack of action, you see).

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“I don’t want to like that guy, because all the other girls seem to be chasing him.”

“If he ever asked me out, I definitely wouldn’t say no.”

“He’s really cute. And nice. He came to my party last week and washed the dishes, I think he might be keen! [delighted shriek]”

“He’s my dream man.”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Bachelors gone wrong enjoy the abundant attention he receives from women, for his good looks and relentless charm. If a Bachelor isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he will be aloof and emotionally unavailable toward women who give him clear ‘pursue me’ signals.

Redeemed Bachelors who desire to take action will do so once he is absolutely sure he will get a yes. If there is too much risk, Bachelors panic internally as they are not used to rejection. His good looks have gotten him far in life, and rarely will he work on himself to develop other parts of his identity.

Taken Bachelors often had the woman take initiative after she watered seeds of friendship with him for years. His options of dating beautiful quality women seem endless! It’s kind of unfair.

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2. The Sniper

FAMOUS EXAMPLES:

  • Don Draper (Mad Men, pictured)

  • Chandler Bing (Friends)

  • The guy who doesn’t seem embarrassed to actively ask any girl out, granted he’s attracted to her.

  • In the church setting, he’s the guy devout Christian girls want to stay away from, as they don’t feel ‘special’ when they get his attention. She thinks he gives it to any pretty girl.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:

Kind, cool and open to a committed relationship, Snipers are action-taking gentlemen who have a healthy balance of both confidence and initiative.

When a Sniper meets a girl he’s attracted to, he’ll then ask her out on a date after the first or second time of meeting her. He will establish if there is sufficient emotional connection and chemistry.

Don Draper could also be classed as a Bachelor, but I have put him in the Sniper category for the frequency of his pursuit of the ladies, however blurred his moral compass might be to us. Chandler Bing also deserves to be here as he was always open to romance, and took responsibility for making that happen.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

  • “If I don’t take action, I might never see her again.”

  • “I’m a man. And men take initiative.”

  • “Every time I get rejected I’m one step closer to my wife.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“He dated my best friend four and a half years ago… so I could never go there.”

“He just seems to ask out a lot of girls. And I don’t want to get sloppy seconds or thirds.”

“He just straight up asked me out. So refreshing.”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM: Snipers gone wrong will make us feel like his initiative towards us is more about conquest-collecting rather than genuine romantic interest. As if the more women he dates will help his self-esteem as a masculine man.

*Redeemed Snipers will pursue women out of curiosity, to devote 1-1 time with her to get to know her properly. Once he has established they really do have an emotional connection, he will progress things with her in the appropriate timing.

I also want to note, that as we get older into our 30s and 40s, the Sniper strategy is much more refreshing than any other male pursuit style!

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The Farmer

FAMOUS FARMERS:

  • Noah Calhoun (The Notebook)

  • Most Christian men aged between 18-34 years.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS: This is the guy who plants many seeds of connection with different women, or even one woman. He will slowly water those seeds, observing the girls he has interest in within the community.

Noah Calhoun is a prime example of a Farmer because solely pursued Allie for years. As romantic as this sounds, there is terrible risk if he does not get the girl in the end.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“Friendship is the best foundation for any relationship and marriage.”

“I want to get to know her properly first, before we go on a proper date.”

“She has rejected me for now, but eventually I’ll wear her down, like a war of attrition.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“We knew each other for years. We became friends first and then we fell in love.”

“He only had eyes for me, no one else. How romantic is that?”

“Ugh I already told him I’m not interested, but he said he’s determined to wait for me as long as it takes. I’m about to marry somebody else, he really needs to move on!”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Farmers gone wrong will waste years and years waiting for the one woman. As romantic as that sounds, it becomes dangerous once the girl has rejected him quite clearly and killed all hope, and yet he is determined to hold on!

Redeemed Farmers understand when it’s time to walk away. They will pick up the pieces of their broken heart and take the time to heal, before pursuing another woman who is worthy of their love and attention.

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The Sweetheart

FAMOUS SWEETHEARTS:

  • Tom (500 Days of Summer).

  • Romeo (Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet)

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS: A hopeless romantic who adores women, Sweethearts tend to place HUGE importance on finding his perfect soulmate, due to his working self-esteem, confidence, and limited dating and romantic experiences.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“If she became my wife, I think my life would be complete.”

“She was unattainable, but I won her.”

“I don’t know why girls don’t find me attractive. I treat them like royalty.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“He’s such a sweetheart! But I just see him as a brother in Christ.”

“He’s so beautiful and kind, and I know he would really love me, but I just don’t think I’m attracted to him in the way I am to other guys I’ve liked before.

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Sweethearts gone wrong are approval seeking of women, seeing us as trophies to be won or objects to fill his love and self-esteem tank. As beautiful hearted as the sweetheart is, his marriage to the fantasy of the elusive, ideal woman is a turn-off.

Redeemed Sweethearts are aware of their approval seeking and will actively work on his inner confidence to ensure he derives his esteem from his inward self. Elements such as his purpose, career, his hobbies and friends/family network are places he can access to gain more confidence in himself.

What are your thoughts about these 4 types of men? Let me know in the comments below!