The 4 Types of Men You'll Meet in Dating

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Whether in fiction or IRL, check out the pursuit styles of these 4 categories of man.

You might have dated one of these guys before. Heck, you might have even married one of these! (I’m currently engaged to a Sniper*).

While we might argue that there are similarities between some of the types, think of this more as a leisurely guide in understanding how men think and their risk profile when faced with likely rejection.

It’s not the gospel, so don’t be precious if the guy you’re dating fits into a category you don’t like.

How a man thinks of himself directly affects his confidence with women, and the degree he will take a huge risk. There are also good and evil sides of all types of man! See below. Enjoy.

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  1. The Bachelor

FAMOUS EXAMPLES:

  • Harvey Specter (Suits, pictured).

  • The acoustic guitar toting Worship Leader at church

  • The guy who seems to rise the ranks in any community’s popularity metrics - like the School Captain in high school, or the eye candy management at work.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:

Handsome, charming and naturally charismatic, The Bachelor is the guy eeeeeevery girl has either had a public or private crush on, however brief or extended.

He’s the guy in your community who seems to always be surrounded by women, and certainly has the luxury of taking his sweet ol’ time.

He is after all, devastatingly attractive and successful in his career, as well as with women. As long as he doesn’t royally screw things up with you emotionally (which he’s vulnerable to, unfortunately), his beautiful face and sculpted build tends to win over our heart if we’re not careful!

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“I don’t go chasing the babes, the babes come chasing me.”

“I’m waiting on God for my wife. She’ll come when I least expect it.” (Because his mega-attractiveness compensates for his lack of action, you see).

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“I don’t want to like that guy, because all the other girls seem to be chasing him.”

“If he ever asked me out, I definitely wouldn’t say no.”

“He’s really cute. And nice. He came to my party last week and washed the dishes, I think he might be keen! [delighted shriek]”

“He’s my dream man.”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Bachelors gone wrong enjoy the abundant attention he receives from women, for his good looks and relentless charm. If a Bachelor isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he will be aloof and emotionally unavailable toward women who give him clear ‘pursue me’ signals.

Redeemed Bachelors who desire to take action will do so once he is absolutely sure he will get a yes. If there is too much risk, Bachelors panic internally as they are not used to rejection. His good looks have gotten him far in life, and rarely will he work on himself to develop other parts of his identity.

Taken Bachelors often had the woman take initiative after she watered seeds of friendship with him for years. His options of dating beautiful quality women seem endless! It’s kind of unfair.

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2. The Sniper

FAMOUS EXAMPLES:

  • Don Draper (Mad Men, pictured)

  • Chandler Bing (Friends)

  • The guy who doesn’t seem embarrassed to actively ask any girl out, granted he’s attracted to her.

  • In the church setting, he’s the guy devout Christian girls want to stay away from, as they don’t feel ‘special’ when they get his attention. She thinks he gives it to any pretty girl.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:

Kind, cool and open to a committed relationship, Snipers are action-taking gentlemen who have a healthy balance of both confidence and initiative.

When a Sniper meets a girl he’s attracted to, he’ll then ask her out on a date after the first or second time of meeting her. He will establish if there is sufficient emotional connection and chemistry.

Don Draper could also be classed as a Bachelor, but I have put him in the Sniper category for the frequency of his pursuit of the ladies, however blurred his moral compass might be to us. Chandler Bing also deserves to be here as he was always open to romance, and took responsibility for making that happen.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

  • “If I don’t take action, I might never see her again.”

  • “I’m a man. And men take initiative.”

  • “Every time I get rejected I’m one step closer to my wife.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“He dated my best friend four and a half years ago… so I could never go there.”

“He just seems to ask out a lot of girls. And I don’t want to get sloppy seconds or thirds.”

“He just straight up asked me out. So refreshing.”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM: Snipers gone wrong will make us feel like his initiative towards us is more about conquest-collecting rather than genuine romantic interest. As if the more women he dates will help his self-esteem as a masculine man.

*Redeemed Snipers will pursue women out of curiosity, to devote 1-1 time with her to get to know her properly. Once he has established they really do have an emotional connection, he will progress things with her in the appropriate timing.

I also want to note, that as we get older into our 30s and 40s, the Sniper strategy is much more refreshing than any other male pursuit style!

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The Farmer

FAMOUS FARMERS:

  • Noah Calhoun (The Notebook)

  • Most Christian men aged between 18-34 years.

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS: This is the guy who plants many seeds of connection with different women, or even one woman. He will slowly water those seeds, observing the girls he has interest in within the community.

Noah Calhoun is a prime example of a Farmer because solely pursued Allie for years. As romantic as this sounds, there is terrible risk if he does not get the girl in the end.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“Friendship is the best foundation for any relationship and marriage.”

“I want to get to know her properly first, before we go on a proper date.”

“She has rejected me for now, but eventually I’ll wear her down, like a war of attrition.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“We knew each other for years. We became friends first and then we fell in love.”

“He only had eyes for me, no one else. How romantic is that?”

“Ugh I already told him I’m not interested, but he said he’s determined to wait for me as long as it takes. I’m about to marry somebody else, he really needs to move on!”

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Farmers gone wrong will waste years and years waiting for the one woman. As romantic as that sounds, it becomes dangerous once the girl has rejected him quite clearly and killed all hope, and yet he is determined to hold on!

Redeemed Farmers understand when it’s time to walk away. They will pick up the pieces of their broken heart and take the time to heal, before pursuing another woman who is worthy of their love and attention.

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The Sweetheart

FAMOUS SWEETHEARTS:

  • Tom (500 Days of Summer).

  • Romeo (Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet)

PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS: A hopeless romantic who adores women, Sweethearts tend to place HUGE importance on finding his perfect soulmate, due to his working self-esteem, confidence, and limited dating and romantic experiences.

LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:

“If she became my wife, I think my life would be complete.”

“She was unattainable, but I won her.”

“I don’t know why girls don’t find me attractive. I treat them like royalty.”

HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:

“He’s such a sweetheart! But I just see him as a brother in Christ.”

“He’s so beautiful and kind, and I know he would really love me, but I just don’t think I’m attracted to him in the way I am to other guys I’ve liked before.

WHY WE COULD HATE HIM:

Sweethearts gone wrong are approval seeking of women, seeing us as trophies to be won or objects to fill his love and self-esteem tank. As beautiful hearted as the sweetheart is, his marriage to the fantasy of the elusive, ideal woman is a turn-off.

Redeemed Sweethearts are aware of their approval seeking and will actively work on his inner confidence to ensure he derives his esteem from his inward self. Elements such as his purpose, career, his hobbies and friends/family network are places he can access to gain more confidence in himself.

What are your thoughts about these 4 types of men? Let me know in the comments below!

How To Not Be Intimidated By Really Attractive People

A person is a person is a person. 

Now, if a celebrity is a person who has publicly broadcasted their achievements on various mediums, and successfully leveraged this to make you believe their value is higher than yours (called "perceived value"), then this must mean everybody has access to this power.

Ahoy hoy, friends! I trust your May has been as cold as a frosted lipstick colour, as has mine.

This month's blog is especially dedicated to my friend who flits in and out of confidence around that gorgeous proverbial Fireman, the kind that saves cats from burning buildings and secretly stares in her direction when she's not looking. She is sooo beautiful, talented and crazily intelligent, yet she never feels "good enough" for the men she's attracted to. 

All this to say, perceived value is a sneaky trick of the mind. God's truth is that He loves you (John 15:9), deems you valuable and precious (1 Cor 6:19-20), created you for a purpose (John 15:16), has given you the power to choose the best kind of life (Romans 12:2), and wants to be in relationship with you for eternity (Philippians 3:20).

So here's how to stop thinking we're not worth life's bulbous blueberry tank of blessings...

1. Rock your own physical assets.

Baby, you're gorgeous.

Baby, you're gorgeous.

Self-perception is an intriguing animal. God has created us in His own image (Genesis 1:27), meaning that we can be as smart, powerful, wealthy, successful, knowledgeable, loving... basically as beautiful (or ugly and insecure) as we want to be. The choice is up to us.

It's just not helped by it's ugly stepsister Comparison, fed by hours of scrolling through social media and wondering why your eyes are not as almond-shaped as theirs, or whatever.

You are beautiful. You will always be your own version of beautiful. If you don't have that girl's statuesque height or that guy's muscle definition, there are probably traits you have that are in demand. For example, my girlfriend who ritualises her fake-tanning sessions has an amazing Kim Kardashian-like figure, and my male friend who complains his six pack is slow to emerge has a very strong jaw line (and not to mention killer sense of humour).

So work out your colour palette, hit the morning walking trail, eat organic veggies and adorn yourself with a few tailored items of clothing that fit your body shape nicely. And rock your uniqueness like it's hawttt, where you'll realise that being "super attractive" is a factor that is easily within your control. It's just about effort.

2. Picture them in pajamas without make up or hair gel.

Meh. This is us, stripped of anything impressive.

Meh. This is us, stripped of anything impressive.

Who are they at zero?

Someone once told me that we are nothing without our internal qualities, like our resilience, easily forgiving nature, knowledge about the intricacies of our loved ones and ability to bake a mean Shepherd's Pie. We are our true selves when we close the door to our bedrooms at the end of the day and devote our sleep to the Lord.

And let me bust their Really Attractive Person (RAP) bubble right now. A RAP is simply a person who got their colours done at Myer, attends a few gym sessions a week, and maintains a sufficiently healthy eating plan. Or, they've just hit a genetic lottery. So, what - it doesn't sound to me like that's very difficult, or that they've earned their "beauty".

Alas, without all those expensive clothes, and if you got to know them better, they will probably emerge as equally insecure and human as the rest of us. On a typical week night they will probably be in their mismatched fluffy socks, with bits of chip breakage on their trackies, knees hugging their chest with a blanket wrapped around their fragile, fragile souls...

3. Try EBAs on everybody.

You are free to work the room. The only blockage is your own self-doubt.

You are free to work the room. The only blockage is your own self-doubt.

Matthew Hussey's theory of Effort Based Action (EBA) is brilliant. Applying this to your everyday life, the idea is to kickstart a new habit of creating. Enacting one millimetre shift per day changes will result in attracting the same sort of thing back to you. 

Let me explain:

Say at the next Church Gathering you decide to say "How's it going?" to 10 guys you don't know from a bar of soap, tap them on the shoulder, smile, and walk away. How many of the 10 might result in a conversation? And out of those conversations, how many might result in an exchange of phone numbers? Is not church a warm environment where people are used to making new acquaintances and friends?

To be honest with you, this is the strategy I used to meet my very amazing boyfriend who has helped me write and draft this blog post. (Yup, he put those words in. Just kidding...)

One of my Christian male friends told me that if a girl started a normal conversation with him, he would absolutely love that and be open to chatting with her. Is he single? Yes. Is he attractive? Yes. Is he mature, masculine and godly? Very. Is he looking for someone he can get to know seriously? Absolutely. The eligible men are out there, ladies! You just need to say hello to them!

4. Aim to connect, over impress.

Congratulations to those who stopped reading this blog and threw caution to the wind by picking up the phone and calling Cutie. You know you who are!

Excuse the sales pitch, but my Three Month Coaching Program (see Shop) will delve into the array of thoughts that may be holding you back, and you will learn to take responsibility for finding the love of your life, partnering with God in this process. 

For instance, the reason why RAPs may not notice you is because you become overly conscious of how your hands are awkwardly swinging by your side. However, around non-RAPs (or guys you perceive as lower value in your eyes), they get you into fits of laughter from all their Guardians of the Galaxy impersonations. With such RAPs you care too much, but with non-RAPs you care very little. 

The key is to value each person equally, and make a judgment on their value after getting to know them for a consistent period of time. 

5. Put on their crocodile shoes.

We are all mere shadow-casters that can try each other's lives on for size.

We are all mere shadow-casters that can try each other's lives on for size.

Lecrae once said that as a popular Christian hip hop/rap artist, his fans "expected more of him than he was physically capable of giving" (paraphrased). I am referring to celebrities in this post as they are also people the general public tends to idolise and elevate to God-like status, deifying their seasonally popular qualities. 

The truth is that they are human too, and while we're free to admire them, one day you too might become a famous Teacher/Software Developer/Author/Singer/Speaker/Musician. How will you cope with all the fame, the limited freedom, the removal of the right to pop over to the supermarket next door to pick up some milk in your Uggh Boots? 

There is a public persona and a private life, and the trouble is when we give someone too much credit for who we know them to be in only magazine publications and TV shows. They had a full Hair and Make-Up team here! They cheated!

Parallel this with our intimidation towards RAPs - while we're ogling them from afar, somebody somewhere, considers you a RAP, and is drooling over you, too.

Did you find this helpful? Please like and comment below. 

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